Riding out the demons

I'll let Chad give you his take on today's ride. But here's mine. 6:30 am departure from the Hill; 4 men, 2 women. No warm up - right into it. We get about 10 miles in and there is short but steep ascent and then a nice descent that takes you on to the long straight away that is McArthur Blvd. The men hammered the ascent and even if I could have kept up, they all have at least 15 pounds on me and would have lost me on the descent. I could see them in the distance, getting further and further away.

Behind me Laurel was having a tough day due to her asthma. I thought about slowing to wait for her, saw the guys pulling even further ahead and decided to push ahead as best I could. I'm not sure at what point I started to get angry. But it had something to do with feeling guilt for not waiting for Laurel (I'm generally open to slowing up for someone) and frustration that I lost the guys so early in the ride.

So when we get to the top of McArthur, where it meets with Falls Road I see Chad ducking into the woods and Laurel waiting in a driveway. TJ was right behind me and Phil and Andy had gotten lost in a neighborhood that we ride through for extra hills. Split second decision to keep riding. I was riding by myself anyway, so I yell to Laurel, "I'm gonna keep riding. See you later". And off I go. I wanted to keep my HR averaging about 150 - once it got above 154 I could feel my legs resist - still tired from Total200. (I know, I know, could you stop talking about it already?!) At one point I looked behind and saw a lone cyclist in the distance. I had a feeling it was TJ but I wasn't about to stop and wait.

TJ eventually caught up to me and again I made a conscious choice - tell him sorry, I'm riding out the demons and I'm not very good company or just keep riding. I kept riding. I had a feeling he was riding out his own worries. Or maybe he's been married for 12 years and he knows when a woman needs some alone time. Haha!

As it turns out the other 4 did the same loop as us but in the opposite direction so we did see them at one point. And at the BP where we stopped to refuel they came in a little behind us. Apparently they'd been discussing my anger. But they didn't understand the root of it - mere frustration that I couldn't hang on. It's a bang to the ego, seriously. I won't be doing any racing until mid-September this year so I have until then to get dropped every weekend.

But what was really going through my head as I was rolling up and down River Rd was the wanted ad I would post on the DC Triclub forum.

Wanted:
Strong female cyclist looking to podium in her age group for cycling partner. Must be willing to start at the crack of dawn. Strong hill climber preferred.

But for me it's not about the man-woman thing except that I happen to ride with a bunch of strong male riders. So really, a more appropriate ad:

Wanted:
Cycling partner looking to get a 5:45 bike split at fall ironman. Early risers and hill climbers preferred. Any one looking to start a ride after 8:30 am need not apply.

Now in all seriousness, my husband is probably spot on for the job. Unfortunately, he's just a tad faster than me. And in a group of guys he has an ability to power across a gap that I lack. And he's a mountain goat.

So anyway, Phil right away asks me what I'm angry about. And you know that also riled me up. If I was a man that didn't wait and I just kept riding you'd be like, dude doesn't want to stop. But because I didn't stop, I'm angry. So what if I really was?!

I won't hash and rehash. Let's just say that I'm gonna keep doing the ride with the same people and my goal is going to be shorten the gap until one doesn't exist. Lofty goal, I know. But you have to start somewhere.

Total ride time: 3 hrs, 55 miles.